Depression Part 2

With any condition, research is invaluable. There are so many routes to take and from my experience, you will hit a dead end or two or three.  The important part is not giving up. Easy for me to type, huh? Not always the easiest advice to follow. 

Physical Aspects

Depression is like having 10 lb weights strapped to each limb, a rain cloud hanging over your head, and the flu all at the same time. And that's before any other chronic pain conditions. Physically depression is exhausting. Feeling tired upon your already fatigued body. This makes recognizing depression as a separate issue difficult at best. It's frustrating to try to decide which condition is keeping you in bed that day.

Depression, for me, is like having a stranger shadowing me all day.The splinter in your finger that isn't visible by the naked eye but you can still feel it. This is the hardest part. When we ignore the issue it only worsens the condition. 

Reaching Out

Fighting an auto immune disease is more than a body should have to do in a day anyway. Ignoring depression can only aggravate your pain symptoms. Don't be afraid to reach out, talk to a friend or even do your own research. 

I'm lucky in that I have a close friend who also recognized how low I had become and even though I didn't answer her call for weeks, she kept calling. She lent a shoulder to me when I needed it and didn't preach to me about meds or therapy or what was wrong with me, but offered insight and support. She asked questions and allowed me to come to my own conclusions. From there, I talked with my doctor and found new options that I didn't even know existed. 

You see, when you are that far down, it's difficult to grasp the rope and pull yourself up. So if you notice The Big D shadowing someone you care about, maybe find a way to throw them the rope. 

Alternative Options

Finding your way out of the tunnel is also exhausting. Having support from family and friends is so important. Whatever your spiritual inclination may be, use it. Pray...meditate...study...light a candle. Find your inner strength.

 

Music can lift a mood by leaps and bounds. Turn on a new station or download an old favorite but using music in the background can also help you concentrate on the next task.

Steer clear of the news. Unfortunately, I haven't found a news channel yet that only reports good news. Surrounding yourself with negativity will only subconsciously take your mind to a negative space.

Write in a journal. Having an outlet to release all that's on your mind can give you a release without feeling you need to burden someone else. You don't have to keep it. I have been known to vent and rant and rage and then throw it away. Just getting it out, helps.

Find something productive. Craft, paint, volunteer or try a new recipe. Now, I know you are thinking I can't possible even think of any of this while I'm in pain. It won't happen every day, or even every week, but finding activities that you can be involved with will help return your vitality. There are many organizations that use volunteers to simply make cards for nursing home patients for an hour or so at a time. If your mobility is limited, find something to get your mind flowing. It may sound silly, but even a crossword puzzle or board game can be uplifting when you finish it.

Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself

Give yourself a break. Just like fighting chronic pain, depression has ebbs and flows. Don't expect to be excitedly happy every day, but don't predict that you will be lower than low all the time either. Learn your limitations and set some goals. Knowing when to rest is just as important as finding activity.


Build your support system of options. Don't be afraid to reach out. Acknowledging your shadow makes it real. Reaching out is not weakness, it is strength. When you feel like you can't find hope, look around because I'm sure there is someone close by who will hand it to you. 

Depression and Chronic Illness, Aha!

Depression. It's an ugly word. The word itself makes you think of cloudy skies and sad commercials. You just thought of one didn't you?

Depression and anxiety can sneak up behind you and lurk in your shadow. You don't even notice the Big D standing behind you slowly cloaking you with a film over your heart.

Therein lies the problem.You are already in pain, you are already fighting fatigue, you are already feeling down, so how can you possibly know that you're depressed?  Am I feeling down because I'm in pain or in pain because I'm feeling down? When pain levels are high so are anxiety levels. You might as well not expect me to concentrate or carry a conversation because as much as I truly want to talk...my brain is busy doing things that are out of my control.
Many (not all) physicians are quick to pass out antidepressants at the first sneeze. I denied them for years. Then when I finally went in open minded I said proudly "only because it's for pain". Still denial. But I tried them, because I was assured they also help with pain and also I can't take narcotics and function at work. Then I gained 20 pounds which didn't help my joints, felt loopy all the time and more tired than before I started them. So, in my further clouded moment I told the Doc he must be wrong. I'm doing this without these meds. And I did, I went gluten free (for a short period of time) finally got biologics, took my vitamins and started feeling better-well at least manageable. I requested vitamin level blood work. I was extremely B & D deficient and completely convinced that would solve the problem. And it did help, for awhile. Then after 2 years when the first biologic stopped working, Big D camped outside my front door with the boogeyman and the werewolf and all other scary nightmare creatures. I ignored them. I knew they were coming to talk to me. To put that warm blanket of deceit over me. And without any treatment or even admitting to myself there was an issue. I opened the door myself. 
You see, depression has several stigmas and I was prideful. I believed those stigmas or at least worried about people that did and I felt shame.  Shame about having this illness, shame about things I wasn't doing at home, shame about taking things away from my husband and son. Shame that I might be depressed and someone might know.

I.
Was.
Wrong.

Now, I know that there are many types of depression and anxiety. There's even more treatment options. I'm not a licensed medical practitioner, but I can put it here for you in layman's terms when it comes to pain and depression working with eachother.
Depression hurts. Yup, we've all heard that commercial and I am not advertising for them. It's unfortunately the truth. Especially for those already in pain. For those that didn't get the instruction manual...its lovingly referred to as painbrain.
Painbrain is caused by your body and your mind fighting eachother (or maybe a strongly worded discussion). Your body is already sending signals to your brain about pain. Because your pain doesn't go away, your body is starting to send stronger messages via your hormones (adrenaline). Your brain has to listen now. But its getting so many signals and warnings that sometimes the circuits overload and you lose some concentration as well. The body fatigues as it would naturally after fighting an illness.
This also leads to painsomnia. When you can't sleep due to pain and the fight or flight signals your mind is receiving from those warning signals.
I didn't recognize it as the Big D. I was losing interest in everything.  I didn't want to leave the house. My pain levels were off the charts and if I made it through a work day all I wanted to do was sleep. Denial even then.

So there in the middle of my denial, I had an AHA! moment. Recognizing depression and anxiety as a separate yet connected issue with pain is important.  I went to talk to my doctor. Who also asked alot of questions and spent a great deal of time helping me understand the link. Getting over the stigma was the hardest but once I found the tools I needed to connect the dots, I was able to resign myself for treatment options.

Depression, part Duh! To be posted later this week.